“What always comes first?” Frank Reagan asked his daughter, Erin, in the highly acclaimed Blue Bloods series. Erin’s answer was made with no hesitation,“Family.” Family is the most important thing; family is everything according to the Reagan family.
Should family be the “most important thing” for those who are followers of Jesus? We will consider this question today.
Before we consider the question “What always comes first?”, I challenge you to take a little quiz. Read the following statements made by Frank Reagan during past Blue Bloods episodes. Ask yourself if each statement is true?
If you believe the statement is true, then ask yourself these questions: “Is the statement in agreement with God’s Word, the Bible?” Can a person who claims to embrace a **Biblical worldview truly agree 100% with the statement? Can the statement be supported by Scripture?
If the Bible does not support the statement, then is the statement really true? Does the statement contradict Scripture? Does the statement violate a Biblical truth? Can a rebuttal be found in Scripture that refutes the statement?
“Only a fool seeks peace by inciting violence.”
“Family is what makes us strong.”
“We all die son, it’s just a question of when.”
“I’m a man of faith and I can’t imagine anything more important than protecting my kids.”
“Just keep your head and work your case.”
“One of the great things about parents…is that you can learn from their mistakes.”
“What my men and women do in private is their own business.”
“If you start breaking the law to enforce it you cross the street to their side.”
“Doing the right thing is rarely easy.”
Most of these statements are good and helpful and true, but they are created by men, not written and inspired by God. It is important that we consider what we hear, read, learn and see on television, in movies, in books, in classrooms, on the internet, in speeches by political leaders, in sermons at church, and through other types of social media – especially when the statement sounds “right”.
If we are true followers of Jesus, then I hope this question of “what always comes first?” – and Erin’s answer – raised concern in your mind and heart. I hope that you did not immediately agree with her answer. The CBS series, Blue Bloods, is one of my favorites because, for the most part*, the show promotes family values, integrity, a belief in God, going to church, and protecting the innocent, even if it means risking one’s own safety. Many good statements (proverbial statements) have been written into the script of this television show. The problem is that we can usually find some truth in the statements and philosophies in the world, yet woven into the statements are philosophies that may be in direct opposition to God and His Word.
Family is definitely a high priority, and yet so often, family is neglected or at least not given the priority it deserves. When we see broken marriages, child abuse and neglect, and troubled children who are not as important to parents as making money or climbing the social ladder, it seems right to embrace the idea that family comes first no matter what. We easily embrace the idea, because it seems right.
Our grandson, Erik, celebrated his fifth birthday on Sunday – Valentine’s Day. In fact, Erik was our best Valentine’s Day gift ever! We have learned that there is nothing like having grandchildren! When we had our own five children we thought we could never love another human being as much as we loved each of our children. Then we had grandchildren. That’s when we learned about another level of love that was waiting to be discovered. We had always heard, “Just wait until you have grandchildren!” But we never understood until that moment came!
None of our grandchildren are local, so we don’t see them as often as we would like. Erik’s birthday party was planned for Saturday, and we didn’t want to miss it. So on this past Thursday morning, we loaded up our car with everything we would need for a weekend trip, plus snacks for the road, , birthday gifts for Erik, Valentine’s Day goodies for each of our grandsons, and some amazing Star Wars light-saber swords for each of the boys to enjoy while we were together. I couldn’t pass up the Star Wars swords! Boys need to have sword-fights, and I knew their parents weren’t likely to buy them. Oh yes, I also brought along a gift for our soon-to-be born baby granddaughter, Carys Lynn, who is due in June. I was shopping the other day and found a lacy, teal-colored dress complete with fancy little bloomers.
I had already decided to be careful about buying clothes for Carys, because I want to be fair to all of the grandchildren, and this will be grandbaby number seven. However, this Grandma has been waiting a long time to buy baby girl clothes. When I saw this gorgeous little dress, I had to buy it for her! My reasoning was this: It was on sale. It has short sleeves, and it would be perfect for summer weather. Besides, I bought light-saber swords for the boys, and the total cost of five light-sabers was more than the cost of the dress. Also, I didn’t want Carys to be left out! Not that she would know, but I would know.
The first leg of the journey took us to Middletown, DE, where we met up with our son at the local Starbucks to pick up two of our grandsons, Cameron and Joey. Afte
r an excellent cup of dark roast Sumatra coffee for us and expensive cups of chocolate milk and a chocolate chip cookie for each of the boys, we loaded the duffle bag of children’s clothes and other belongings, settled the boys into their car seats, and continued our journey across the Bay Bridge into Maryland. On the way we listened to Mr. Jon and Friends, Get Your Move On! a musical CD for children, produced by Jon and Carrie Lewis, singing along to the “Its Bitsy Spider, Five Little Monkeys, the Crocodile song, and about twenty other songs for little ones, as we maneuvered our way through Washington, DC, winding through the backroads from Fredericksburg to Lynchburg, VA, and arriving at the home of our daughter by dinner time. Erik and his brothers knew that Grandpa and Grandma were coming, but Cam’s and Joey’s visit would be a big birthday surprise for Erik. The boys were amazingly well-behaved on the trip, and Erik was very excited to see his cousins. Usually, Erik is excited to see us, but I’m not sure he really noticed we were there for the first few hours. What a whirlwind of a weekend. The chaos of five little boys in one small ranch house, the energy at Thomas Road Baptist Church Kids’ Cove on Friday, and the excitement of McDonald’s Play Place on Saturday morning was followed by Erik’s fox-themed, very loud and crazy birthday party at home with almost twenty children and fifteen parents. The weekend was a blast, not to mention, very exhausting! I’m not sure how my daughter pulled off decorating for the party, preparing the food, making the birthday cake, and getting the house cleaned up after thirty-six hours of company, all while keeping five little boys alive, safe, and fed. But with the help of her younger sister and her husband, and with Grandpa and Grandma taking the boys off to McDonald’s on Saturday morning for breakfast and playtime, she got it done!
Saturday afternoon we loaded up the car again, this time with two very tired boys and all of the “stuff” accumulated from the weekend, and we headed back up north. We had taken advantage of every moment with family, leaving our computers and our work at home. Now we would stop for dinner in Delaware with our son, his wife, and our oldest grandson, Ocean, who had to stay at home because of school. We experienced an enjoyable dinner with the Delaware family, laughing at the antics of the boys, then headed back to New Jersey, arriving home around 10 PM. But the night was not over. We needed a few minutes to hear about our youngest son’s trip to NYC to look for apartments. Most likely, Jordan will be moving in just a few weeks. He was offered a huge job promotion and great opportunity to work in the city, but we will miss these special times with him.
What a busy and exhausting weekend, especially as we had to be up and ready for Sunday morning church. Joe would be preaching on Sunday morning and he still needed time to prepare for the evening Bible study on Sunday afternoon! But family is a huge priority and the time with our family on the weekend was worth it all! We are so blessed and thankful for our children and our grandchildren. God has been so good to us, but as I pondered the question Frank Reagan asked his daughter, “What always comes first?”, I had to ask myself, “Is this a true statement? Should it always be that family comes first?” Something stirred inside of me, as I recalled the words of Jesus in the gospel of Luke. “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26).
If we aren’t careful, even as Christians, we might easily react affirmatively to Erin’s answer. In fact, we might even come up with the same answer, “Family…family should always come first.” We might naively buy into the seemingly innocent, good and right, easily embraced philosophy, that family is the most important thing in this life. It is true that God created family first, so we know for sure that family is important to God. Family ought to be one of the highest priorities for us as well. We certainly should never neglect family, but lovingly care for and nurture them, as Paul exhorted fathers in the books of Colossians and Ephesians. The Bible has a lot to say about family and the value of family from the beginning of creation. In fact, God performed the very first marriage, and announced that the husband and wife would be “one flesh.” It was only after the man and woman were created and the His creation work was complete, that God said, “It is very good.” Since this is the first relationship established by God, marriage and family must be very important to Him. According to the creation account in the book of Genesis,
God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it (Genesis 1: 27- 28).
So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:21-24).
As we continue on through Scripture, we find in the Exodus narrative that Noah prepared an ark for his household (Hebrews 11:7). Noah took care of his own family. According to the fifth of the ten commandments for the Hebrew people, written by God’s own hand and given to Moses, children are to honor their parents (Exodus 20:12). Parents are commanded to teach their children about God through their words, the stories of God’s provision, and their actions, writing God’s laws on their doors and walls and doorposts (Deuteronomy 6:1-9). Marriage is to be treasured (Proverbs 5:15-21). Children are a gift from the Lord and bring joy and honor to their fathers (Psalm 127:3-5). Leaving an inheritance for one’s children and grandchildren is evidence of good character (Proverbs 13:22). Grandchildren are the crown and reward of their grandfathers (Proverbs 17:6). Children are to listen to the teaching of their parents (Proverbs 23:22). Children are to obey their parents in all things (Colossians 3:20: Ephesians 6:1-2). Fathers are not to provoke children to anger but are to bring them up in the nurture and fear of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). Jesus was obedient to His parents (Luke 2:41-52). Proverbs 31 is an excellent example of the proper functioning of the family that includes one husband who praises his wife for her good works, one wife who does good for her husband all the days of his life and provides well for her family, and children who honor their mother, calling her blessed. Marriage is a picture of Christ and His church, according to Ephesians 5:22-33, and the church is called “the household of God” (I Peter 4:17).
“To discern wise counsel” is the second of the five purpose statements introducing the book of Proverbs (Proverbs 1:2-6). Depending on which version of Scripture you are reading, the term “discern”, “discerning”, or “discernment” appears in this passage at least once (in the KVJ, NLT, NIV, and NKJV), twice in the NASB, and four times in the NET Bible. According to the NET Bible translator notes for Proverbs 1:2 (p. 1074), “to discern” means “to compare and make proper evaluations of” wise sayings. “Discerning” in 1:4 has to do with a plan that is based on “knowledge and purpose” (tn 9, tn 10, p. 1075). Verse five deals with those who are already wise and “discerning” (“habitually characterized by discernment”, tn 15, p. 1075), admonishing them to become wiser. In verse six, “discern” has to do with “understanding more and more” (tn 18, p 1075) of the proverbs as one matures and becomes wiser.
According to King Solomon, learning to discern what is true, what is false, what is wise, what is foolish, and what is of primary importance is a key purpose of His collection of wise sayings in the book of Proverbs. King Solomon discusses what should always come first, and according to the book of Proverbs, the first, most important thing is not family. Solomon writes in Proverbs 4:7 (KJV), “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honor, when thou dost embrace her.” The NET Bible puts it like this, “Wisdom is supreme, so acquire wisdom.” God’s Word is wisdom. Jesus became for us Wisdom (I Corinthians 1:17-19, 30). Jesus said, “Seek first the Kingdom of God…” (Matthew 6:33). He told His followers, “Follow Me…”. He told his disciples to leave it all – their careers, their money, their security, their families. He said, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” (Matthew 16:24). He also said, “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26). Our language today considers “hate” an emotional term. This is not at all what Jesus meant. “Hate” had to do with priority, so Jesus statement concerned prioritizing discipleship (following Jesus) over the cares of family and even at the expense of personal needs. His statement meant that all else in this life was secondary to a life of devotion to Christ; everything one might desire in life is to be secondary to wisdom, to the ways of Jesus, to obeying His voice, to going wherever He leads, to doing whatever Jesus calls his followers to do.
Family is incredibly important, and we need to make family a priority in our lives. When God created the earth, He created it for the good of mankind. He established the first family, when he created Adam and Eve. It wasn’t until later that the Jews became a nation, that government was established through the law of Moses, and even later that the church was formed because of the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ, replacing the Jewish method of worship and the temple. The church became the body and bride of Christ, and we became the children of God, grafted in, adopted into God’s family with Jews and Gentiles becoming one family. Jesus never abandoned His earthly family. Even on the cross, as He was dying for the sins of all the world, He did not neglect His responsibility to his mother, as the oldest child in the family. He gave the responsibility of caring for His mother to John (John 19:26-27). He never gave up on His brothers, appearing to James following His resurrection (I Corinthians 15:6-7). James, who did not believe in Jesus prior to the crucifixion became the leader of the Jerusalem church and ultimately was martyred for his faith.
It’s not easy to keep our families a high priority when children and grandchildren live far away. Our lives are busy, filled with work and ministry and responsibilities in our homes. It is hard to find time to get away to visit, but if we want to maintain these precious God-given relationships, we must make the necessary sacrifices. I believe God is honored as we treasure our families and invest our lives in them. However, the question remains for us personally, “What always comes first?” Family matters, but wisdom is supreme. Family is highly important to God, but Jesus is to hold the highest honor and loyalty in our lives.
Pursue and embrace wisdom. In so doing, wisdom will “exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her. She will place a fair garland on your head; she will bestow a beautiful crown on you” (Proverbs 4:8-9). “The path of the righteous is like the bright morning light, growing brighter and brighter to the full day.” (Proverbs 4:18) Wisdom…Jesus. The two cannot be separated. Follow Jesus. He is everything. Nothing can be compared to Him. He is the one that will make you strong. In Him, we have hope not only in this life, but in the life to come. In Matthew 19:27-29, Peter said to Jesus, “Behold, we have left everything and followed You; what then will there be for us?” And Jesus said to them, “Truly I say to you, that you who have followed Me, in the regeneration when the Son of Man will sit on His glorious throne, you also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life. The apostle Paul, at the end of his life before he faced martyrdom for preaching the gospel, writes to Timothy, “In the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.” (II Timothy 4:8).
May we not be deceived and “taken captive” (Colossians 2:8) by the philosophies of this world, but may we seek to know wisdom, to understand the fear of the Lord, to discern what is true, to love the Lord with all of our heart and soul and mind and strength. May we find true wisdom from God as we study His Word and may He be the one who is always first!
Footnotes:
*As much as I enjoy the Blue Bloods show, I am not a fan of the promotion of alcohol as a normal, safe family past-time, especially in light of Frank’s statement, “Reagans don’t do drugs.” Alcohol is certainly a drug, a very dangerous one! Being involved with America’s Keswick Addiction Recovery Center for many years, my husband and I have seen firsthand the destructiveness of alcohol and other additions in the lives of men, women, and families. It is frustrating and sad to see this addiction being promoted on Blue Bloods and other “family” television shows as normal and healthy activities. However, there are some positive values affirmed on Blue Bloods. I say this so that parents may exercise caution and discuss the “mixed message” this sends to our children.
**The Truth Project by Focus on the Family is a great resource for your family and for your church in helping people to develop and live out a truly Biblical worldview.