The Valley of Baca

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By Cherri Raws Freeman

Happy are those who are strong in the Lord, who set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping (Baca), it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains! (Psalm 84: 5-6 NLT)

I often feel as if the Valley of Weeping is where I live, not somewhere I am just passing through.  The pain of destructive marriages and of children in addiction has been a part of my life for a long time. The pain of watching my husband suffer for the past 5 years with a debilitating and deadly disease drills into me every day.

The ancient Israelites walked through difficult, dangerous, and dry land on their pilgrimage to Jerusalem.  We also walk through difficult, dangerous, and dry places in our lives.  Verse 6 of this Psalm talks about walking through the Valley of Baca.  This name did not mean anything to me until I read that it could be translated “The Valley of Weeping.”  I could certainly relate to that!

The image is that God turns our salty tears into springs of fresh, refreshing water that nourishes us and those around us.  Tears of pain, hurt, rejection, and anger could become bitterness that poisons us and others around us, but God can make those tears become a fresh spring, a pool of blessing.  How can that be?

God has changed my perspective on the Valley of Weeping. A friend of mine has shared with me the quote “In acceptance there is peace” many times. That peace comes from discovering the following truths:

  1. Knowing our identity in Christ.  We are pure and lovely in His sight.  We are His daughters, His princesses, deeply loved and treasured, no matter what our past decisions and failures were. He loves us exactly as we are because it is the righteousness of Jesus that Father sees in us, not our own. We are clean and holy because Jesus is clean and holy. We can never earn His love by being “good,” but the beauty of it is that we don’t have to. For those of us who were raised to think that we had to perform to earn love, that we had to keep trying and trying to reach the point where He wouldn’t be disappointed in us, only to fail time after time after time, this is freeing beyond belief!  Zephaniah 3:17 says that He sings over us with joy. In the same way that He created each snowflake to be unique, He created us to be who we are, each one a work of art to Father. This world is full of pain but our story doesn’t end there.  True joy comes from a love relationship with God who sacrificed His Son in order to have you be a part of His family.  He loves you that much!
  2. Knowing we can’t deal with life in our own strength.  Verse 7 talks about going “from strength to strength.”  God’s strength is the source of our strength.  Joy comes when I surrender “my claim to my right to myself” (Oswald Chambers) and recognize that it has to be Christ living His life through me: I have been crucified with Christ. Nevertheless, I live.  Yet not I, but Christ lives in me.  And the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me (Galatians 2:20).  We have the privilege of exchanging our fearful, frantic, fragile life for Jesus living His life in us and through us.  That is a great deal!
  3. Knowing that Father is intimately aware of our situation and cares deeply about it. Not only does He know about it, He uses it to grow us into the person He wants us to be. I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through the things I have gone through. I also would not be able to empathize with mothers who have children in addiction in the same way if I had not experienced it myself. I would not be able to work with women in abusive marriages in the same way that I can if I had not experienced abuse. I know their pain firsthand.

In Hannah Hurnard’s classic book Hinds’ Feet on High Places, the main character Much-Afraid has chosen to leave the Valley of Humiliation and go with the Shepherd to the High Places. The Shepherd gives her two companions to go with her on her journey, Sorrow and her twin sister Suffering.

“Poor Much-Afraid! Her cheeks blanched and she began to tremble from head to foot.  She felt so like fainting that she clung to the Shepherd for support.

‘I can’t go with them,’ she gasped. ‘I can’t! I can’t! O my Lord Shepherd, why do You do this to me? How can I travel in their company? It is more than I can bear. You tell me that the mountain way itself is so steep and difficult that I cannot climb it alone. Then why, oh why, must You make Sorrow and Suffering my companions? Couldn’t You have given Joy and Peace to go with me, to strengthen me and encourage me and help me on the difficult way? I never thought You would do this to me!’ and she burst into tears.

A strange look passed over the Shepherd’s face as He listened to this outburst, then looking at the veiled figures as He spoke, He answered very gently, ‘Joy and Peace. Are those the companions you would choose for yourself? You remember your promise, to accept the helpers that I would give, because you believed that I would choose the very best possible guides for you. Will you still trust Me, Much-Afraid? Will you go with them, or do you wish to turn back to the Valley, and to all your Fearing relatives, to Craven Fear himself?’

Much-Afraid shuddered. The choice seemed terrible.  Fear she knew only too well, but Sorrow and Suffering had always seemed to her the two most terrifying things which she could encounter. How could she go with them and abandon herself to their power and control? It was impossible. Then she looked at the Shepherd and suddenly knew she could not doubt Him, could not possibly turn back from following Him; that if she were unfit and unable to love anyone else in the world, yet in her trembling, miserable little heart, she did love Him. Even if He asked the impossible, she could not refuse.”

As in this allegory, we also need to trust our Shepherd’s wisdom and higher purposes. Joy and Peace will join us on our journey as we live in the sustaining grace of our Shepherd.

  1. Knowing that we can trust God to work in our situation.  We are incapable of controlling other people and the situations around us.  When we finally come to the place of understanding that fact, we are free to accept and trust God’s working in our lives.  Our pain and struggles can be used to refresh others as they see the beauty of Jesus in us.

May these discoveries encourage you whenever you face the “Valley of Baca” seasons of your life. God’s faithfulness will refresh you with His pools of grace and hope.

 For the Lord God is our light and protector.  He gives us grace and glory.  No good thing will the Lord withhold from those who do what is right (Psalm 84:11)

Cherri Freeman is the founder and director of Love Them To Life, a support ministry for mothers who have children in addiction. She and her husband Joe are in full-time ministry “reaching out to those in addiction and to those who love them.” They are associates of Grace Fellowship International, sharing the message of freedom from addiction through Christ and the Cross.

Cherri grew up at America’s Keswick Colony of Mercy and Conference Center in Whiting, NJ. She graduated from Wheaton College with a BS in biology. Along with working in various medical fields, she taught high school and middle school science for many years. She has raised five children, two of whom struggled with addiction. Cherri is a certified Exchanged Life Counselor through Grace Fellowship International and works with women in abusive marriages along with mothers of those in addiction. 

I Don’t Like Tennis!

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By Sterling O’Neill

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)

When you were young was there a sport or hobby, or a skill you were made to participate in or develop that you didn’t like? Or something you were working hard on but it didn’t turn out the way you felt it should have, wasting all of your time?

When I was young, tennis was something my grandmother and aunt played and desired for me. It was the known game of the “elite” (those with more financial means, usually those with power and influence or privilege). I didn’t consider myself “those people”. I thought, to be “one” of them meant you weren’t friendly to others less fortunate than you.

But because I loved and was taught to respect my grandmother I took the tennis lessons she paid for. I learned the basics of tennis but never really developed my form. Oh how my grandmother would be smiling today if she were to see me. Presently, Jim and I play several times a week. I’ve come a long way since those formative years.

Funny how age and perspective changes one’s opinion.“Those people” and “elite” sounds funny and foreign to me now. But as a child I thought playing tennis associated me as one of them. “Don’t ‘upper class’ people look down on others?” Of course we can’t generalize like this! But in my judging, I did not realize I was doing the same thing to them!

Today, I feel, I love all and enjoy many types of people, rich or poor, of various colors from around the world. God has expanded my heart to encompass all types and it is growing. I have friends all across the nations. I don’t think of myself or them as some “special class” of people.  Tennis today can be an activity for any person. But any active hobby takes money if we are to be good at it. Maybe that is what made tennis feel like it was the game of the “elite”. But to play tennis presently, all one needs is a racket and balls. Courts are everywhere. Tennis doesn’t change one’s personality, it is the attitude of one’s heart that makes a person.

Jim and I have had the thrill of playing tennis since our honeymoon days, 36 plus years ago. Almost all of our kids play as well.

When we got married, unknown to me, Jim also had played some tennis when younger. He knew a little bit more about tennis than I did but hadn’t had too much training either. He was not considered “upper class,” but he loved playing, unlike me.

A friend and former classmate from college offered tennis lessons to us a wedding gift. How kind!! He was good.  Little did we know:

  1. Tennis would be one of our number one resources for getting to know people in the Philippines and beyond.
  2. Tennis is a sport we could play every vacation as a family, even today.
  3. Tennis is a sport Jim and I can do to keep up exercise and spend time together.

Tennis wouldn’t have been the sport I would have chosen as a young girl, but I love tennis today. It has opened up so many doors for sharing Christ with others. Can you think of something you felt was a waste of time and today God is using for His Glory or something failed after all your planning and hard work yet today God uses for greater Gospel impact?

God doesn’t waste anything! We often plan, but thank the Lord He directs. What I didn’t like or thought had no purpose when I was little, God would use to great effect when I was older for His Glory. Thank you Mamama (Ma-Ma-Ma’) (my grandmother, who is no longer living) for those first tennis lessons. I am sorry I complained so much.

Personal Reflections: Tennis would not have been the sport of choice,  but I love tennis today!!! Can you think of something you felt was a waste of time and today God is using for his Glory? Is there someone you might just need to be thankful for, for their impact in your life? Would love to hear your story in the comment section of the blog “I Don’t Like Tennis”.

From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey

”Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

“ Intentionally journaling alongside of mission minded women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”

More from Sterling:

Hi my name is Sterling O’Neill. A southern girl from South Carolina, who has lived in many places, both in US and abroad. Now living in Harrisburg, Va.

Married to my best friend and partner in ministry for over 36 years. I am a contented mother of 4 children (3 born overseas), 3 sons-in-law, 4 grandchildren and one dog named Molly.

Love being a mom, grandmother and traveling with my husband now as we continue to serve Majority World Leaders, Global and Next Gen Leaders and Mobilizing God’s People through. Perspective, Partnerships and beyond with Frontier Ventures.  (www.frontierventures.org)

 

I see myself as an Ambassador-at large who is a wife of a leader, and a Global Life Coach. I love people, writing, consulting, coaching, training, creating and tennis among other things.

God has called me to the nations to make disciples, to teach others all that He has taught me.Teaching those who are faithful who will also teach others. I want to come alongside of others in their journey of God’s call developing more hope for life and clarity for ministry. Flaming the fire of what God has put in others hearts so the 2.9 billion yet unreached can hear the Gospel and follow Christ.

I have a blog called Woman to Woman: journeying together in Faith and Mission. www.sterlingoneill.com

The “Plan” and Tata Lum-Pay

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By Cecelia Weer

A personal story with a practical application of what it means to be living by faith.

How do I reconcile the abundant life the Lord Jesus promises in John 10:10 with the arrival of a deep personal fear?  How does life go on normally when it suddenly is falling apart?  It was not like a stick of dynamite that suddenly blew up our lives, but it was a subtle quietness that insidiously crept in.  We discovered the cancer early in March.

The idea of actually having cancer was ridiculous.  I’d done the right things for twenty-five years.  For years I told my husband…

“Tom, I’m going to take good care of my body so I never get cancer, and if, on the outside chance that I do, I’ll know it’s not because I was negligent, but because it is part of the “Plan.”  This I said whenever I wanted him to eat healthy like me.  Never did I ever think it would really be a part of God’s plan.

Of course, I knew I would never get cancer… after all I was doing all the right things…   I would consume gigantic salads, tons of blueberries, and colorful vegetables, and salmon. I walked every day and   I made the healthiest smoothies of spinach, apples, flaxseed and almond milk and tried to make my husband eat them… “This will protect you,” I’d beg.

“It looks like slime,” he snickered.  (I wasn’t insulted.  It actually did…but, hey, it was healthy!)

I was proud of the way I took care of myself and I felt the Lord was pleased also.

That was “before.”

Now it is “now.”

Then came a Friday morning in March

“What does this feel like to you?”

The question was innocent enough.  There was nothing to be worried about because, after all, I took care of myself. No time to think about this; I had a Teen Leadership lesson to finish and a Ladies Bible Study to prepare for the following Thursday.  I had shopping and errands to run and jury duty on Monday and Tuesday.  Finally on Wednesday things slowed a little and I decided this needed to be checked. When I called the doctor and told him I had a lump in my breast, he wanted me in the office two hours later.  After the examination he instructed me to get a mammogram the next day and he immediately scheduled a visit with a breast surgeon. Surgeon?  Things were moving too fast.  We went to the surgeon and suddenly I was scheduled for CT scans, MRI, and a biopsy, none of which I ever had before.  I knew the biopsy required a needle insertion into my breast…how ghastly.

The word “breast cancer” terrified me.  I couldn’t even say the term. I desperately needed prayer, but telling people was agony and I felt embarrassed and like such a failure. We didn’t even know for sure it was. It seemed the fastest way to kill a conversation was to mention it.

I told Tom, “I’m going to make up another name for breast cancer so I can deal with it myself, that way, after I asked my friends for prayer, I might pick up the conversation a little.”

Instead of “cancer” I would use the word lump; but “lump” sounded harsh so I pretended it was a French lump and call it “Lumpier,” pronounced “Lum-Pay.”

I was never very good at saying anatomical words so I didn’t’ want to say the word breast…I had seen a bumper sticker that said, “Save the tatas”;  I drew the conclusion.

“Honey,” I announced in the morning, “I’m going to call my breast “Tata Lum-pay.”

Not skipping a beat he replies, “If you get to name the right side, I get to name the left side…how about “Tata Okay?” We lay in bed and roared!

That night I called my daughter.  She had been devastated at the news so now hopefully I could make her laugh a bit.    I told her about Tata Lumpay.

“Mom, it sounds like a pole dancer.”

“Elizabeth, how do you know what pole dancers are named?”

I could hear her eyes rolling over the phone, but she was laughing.

In the early morning hours on biopsy day I awoke early and looked at the clock.  I was 4:13! I recognized that number immediately! “Lord, I know this verse, it’s the Philippians verse; “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheth me!” I felt like it was a loving message straight from His heart to mine! I smiled into the darkness.  All would be well. And it was.  I laid on that table with the doctor invading me with needles and three nurses assisting. But it was anything but ghastly.  Rather, I had the peace of God that passes understanding… During the procedure I thanked the Lord for his message the night before and I prayed through my family and friends and then through the doctors and nurses, I prayed for their salvation and their loved ones and I let them know afterwards.  It seemed like a worship experience. How could this go from ghastly to worship?  It was God’s grace.

Now things moved too slowly. Why did it take so long to get the results of the biopsy?  The diagnosis was scheduled for my daughter’s birthday, April 3.

I knew I again needed the grace of God…  I knew I needed His sufficiency because I certainly was not sufficient for this myself. It was overwhelming and I needed His strength in my weakness    I wrote out verses on two index cards so I had truth in my hand and faith in my heart.

The verses? ”My flesh and my heart faileth but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” ( given to me by son, Brian) and, “He shall not be afraid of evil tidings, his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord. His heart is established, he shall not be afraid.”   Psalms 73:26 and, Psalms 112:7-8

The doctor told us that I had cancer.  It sounded so unreal to me, but when Tom and I talked later, both of us had secretly prepared for this. I read the doctor my verses…just hearing my own voice read the truth out loud helped me.  The doctor and Tom and I set out to make a plan.  A plan. The plan? How in the world could this really be part of God’s loving plan for my life? It was specifically not mine.

Early the next morning I did cry…and I cried and I cried.  I cried for my children, my grandchildren and my sisters and my father.  I cried for my husband. I cried for my friends and the three church families I loved and for all the glorious beauty of this life that I would be missing if I died. I was overwhelmed with such a sense of gratitude for what God had given me in this life and I was terrified to leave it…. Tom just held me tight… and listened. Sobbing, I told him that every memory seemed like a lovely pearl in a beautiful necklace and now the strand was breaking and scattering the pearls everywhere and I couldn’t retrieve them. It was like life was running from me. How could I let go? All my life I’d been terrible at saying goodbye, how could I ever do this?

“Maybe you won’t have to.” He answered, and held me tighter.

God brought me through the testing and diagnosing.  I praise the Lord for this but I had no idea of what was ahead.  Yes, I’d heard stories and even seen the misery that accompanied treatment… but never could I experientially relate to it.

Sixteen days later chemotherapy was to begin.  Just the word chemotherapy sounded incredibly ominous. I knew God would be working through Chemo to save my life, so wouldn’t it be a good idea to make friends with it? I needed to make up a new name to take the sting out of it, like I did with Tata Lumpay.

“Let’s see, what can I do with chemo…chemo…chemono…chemonaLisa! Yes, like the Devinci painting! I will go on biweekly dates with her to save my life!”  As corny as it sounds, these coping mechanisms really do help me. (But, when the dates are over, I will summarily dump her!)

Two chemo treatments and two Neulesta injections into my treatment I was tired, nauseous, dizzy and bald.  Whose body was this that I was living in? It certainly wasn’t mine.

“Well, Cece, if it isn’t yours, whose is it?”

I made up another name. An identity to fit this strange new body. Claudette Stump-Hauser… Claudette for the French theme I had going, and Stump-Hauser because it was delightfully ugly. Tom just rolled his eyes…lovingly, of course!

Eighteen days after my first treatment, my hair started falling out. The doctor told me this would happen but I still wasn’t prepared.  Two days later I asked Tom if he would please shave my head.

“When in the history of our marriage would those words ever come out of my mouth?”

We trudged up the steps.  He shaved. I cried. When he finished, he cupped my face in his hands and kissed my head. I wept. Until I die I will remember his sweet act of love.

The following Sunday I wore my new wig to church. Everyone liked it and I was so pleased. I said, “My real hair was much thinner, and duller, so it’s still me, only better!”

After church we were back in the parsonage and I didn’t feel like going upstairs to take my wig off. So, I plopped it on the newel post at the bottom of the stairs, it looked like a small animal. I put on a scarf. ( I didn’t want to be “Baldilla LaCroix”, my new bald identity.)

“When would I ever think I would store my hair on the newel post?” I asked.

He did not reply but instead went over and stroked it.

“What in the world are you doing?”

“I love to run my fingers through your hair!”

The humor helped in the daytime, but it was in the lonely and fearful nighttime hours the waves and billows of fear would wash over me.  Sleep would run away.  I knew that feelings of hopeless desperation often come to us; they lie and try to control us if we permit it.  I knew the Lord gave us a will to choose how to think and respond… and that our lives rise and fall by the way we think.  I knew I had to make the thoughts and meditations of my heart pleasing to God.

I memorized Psalms 143:8 and 42:7-8, they were like a banquet;  “Cause me to hear thy loving kindness in the morning, (in my case, the wee hours) for in thee do I put my trust, Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk for lift up my soul unto thee.”  And, “Yet the Lord will command his loving-kindness in the daytime and in the night His song shall be with me!”  I have his presence with me every moment…morning, daytime, and night…what a strength and joy!

How the Holy Spirit ministered to me. He would bring to my mind hymn lyrics.  He would bring to my mind Scriptures that I had hidden my heart as a child and throughout my life.  I realized with fresh joy the wisdom of my parents to raise me to love the Lord Jesus and teach me about receiving Him as my Savior.  I was so thankful they took me to church and encouraged me to go to Good News Club and Christian Camps and a college where Christ was exalted.  All these places made me memorize Scripture. What a foundation this was. I never realized the enormous wisdom and strength of this discipline until now. I experientially know that faith is my shield and the Word of God is my sword that quenches the fiery darts of the wicked.     Gratitude and joy rolled through me. Knowing the truth and having it echo in my heart made me see what is not visible… faith hope, love and peace from my heavenly Father. I realized it was the natural consequence of Philippians 4:8, “Whatsoever things are true…think on these things.”

      Another joy was remembering what my mother taught me.

“Honey girl,” she said, “misery always comes when we think about ourselves too much, you just think about others and you’ll be much happier!”  Of course she was right. I decided to pray all through my family and extended family and every friend I could think of.  A whole world of people we don’t know and loved ones are beyond us.  They carry heartaches and burdens we can’t even fathom and they all need prayer and gentle touch of God’s grace.

My nighttime fears were transforming into fountains of blessing because of the truth laid in my heart.

Yet, I still cannot do cancer. It is absolutely not me.   I don’t do needles, pain, nausea, vertigo, fatigue, or baldness.  Yet I am doing it,  But it is not me… it is Christ living in me. It is His strength and His sufficiency for my weakness.

It is the tremendous support I receive from my family; My son Brian who sends me verses of hope; my son Kevin who sends me a postcard every day; my Elizabeth who texts and makes me laugh. It is my sisters who keep in touch. It is my friends who text me pictures of beauty and cards of encouragement.  It is my Chelsea Baptist Church family who honor me with gifts and food and cards. How I need them and love them dearly.  It is my patient and strong husband who walks every step with me and honors his vow of loving me not only in health, but in sickness also…and making me laugh about something every day!  All through this time the dear Lord Jesus had been there sustaining me and giving me loved ones to encourage and fortify me. Each is a jewel and a treasure shared from their loving hearts.

My conclusion is that I don’t have to reconcile anything. Circumstances don’t decide whether I have an abundant life because they can change in an instant. Abundance is believing in the Lord Jesus Christ. It is loving Him and letting Him live through me.  It is believing that HE IS and that He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. It is knowing His way is perfect.

Either the Lord will take the cancer out of me, or, He will take me out of the cancer. I surrender to His Plan. It’s all about faith. Faith does not make things easy, it makes them possible.

 

Cecelia Weer, and her husband, Tom, live in Atlantic City, NJ, where Tom has served as the senior pastor  at Chelsea Baptist Church since since 2010.  They have served in pastoral ministry in three churches over the past 35 years in NJ, VA, and FL, first in Annandale, VA 1986-1999 , then in Brooksville, Florida until 2009.   Cecelia is a graduate of Baptist Bible College, and has been a school teacher and pastor’s wife for 35 years. Cecelia  has served as a women’s event speaker and has taught for women’s Bible studies,  Teen Leadership and Kids for Christ. In addition, Cecelia is a writer.  Her first article for Israel My Glory magazine was published in their 2016 March/April Holocaust Memorial issue. Her second article is scheduled for the November/December 2017 issue. Tom and Cecelia have three adult children and seven grandchildren.

 

Yet I Am Not Silenced By the Darkness

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By Darla Ebert

Yet I am not silenced by the Darkness…

“For God has made my heart faint,  and the Almighty has terrified me,  But I am not silenced by the darkness (of these woes that fell on me), Nor by the thick darkness which covers my face.”  Job 23:16, 17 (The Amplified Version)

Perhaps a less ominous title would have been better yet these verses from Job 23 seem to fit my life’s experiences and pattern better than any other.  I never considered my existence on this earth to have been anything much to write about, and yet the way God has worked and guided, how He has persisted with a damaged clay pot, that is something about which I am constantly and consistently astonished.  A changed life is the enduring testimony which most affects the lives of others.

If I had to have just one life verse I would have a hard time choosing.  And so I would choose verses  from Ezekiel, two passages, actually one in chapter 36 and one from chapter 37.   “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

“Then you will know (with confidence) that I am the LORD when I have opened your graves and made you come up out of your graves…  I will put My Spirit in you and you will come to life…”

One passage speaks of God’s giving us (me) a new heart, and a new Spirit.  Both verses speak of God’s blessing us by giving us the ability to LIVE and to KNOW.  It is repeated, “And you shall live and you shall know.”  This phrase means more to me than I could ever articulate.  To LIVE and to KNOW, that is what the Christian life is all about.

We come to know, to really know what new life is all about when we walk by faith.  And the only way to walk by faith is by learning from everyday aggravations and by, in a larger sense, becoming one with our trials, we absorb them into the fabric of our being in such a way as to enable our faith to grow.

When thinking on one of the biggest tests to my faith, I always think of the time a Dr., two doctors actually, here in the Philippines, tried to convince me I had breast cancer.  They were very kind and gentle and I bear them no ill will, it was just a huge blunder by the ultrasound technician, and/but over all and through all I learned some VERY valuable lessons, teachings which continue to impact and resonate with me to this day.  The peace, the deep and merciful peace which permeated my being from that first auspicious day onward has never left me.  I always wondered how I would react if that sort of news was ever given to me and now I know…the Lord gives grace as we need it, just for that day, and if we stretch out inner hands and appropriate it, then we can enjoy that grace even when not particularly happy about the news.

Shortly before my husband and I were to return to the US for a few months furlough from our work here in the Philippines, in early 2008, I realized the time had come to get a mammogram.  I had just turned 51 and knowing the tests and subsequent doctors’ visits to be more expensive in the US, even with medical insurance, I decided to go ahead to a Dr. in Manila/Quezon City (in the Philippines).  After the mammogram which had been uneventful as I had expected it to be, I proceeded to the reading of the test results by the Dr. (as yet unknown to me but recommended by a friend who was a heart Dr. in that particular hospital).  The Dr was a very soft spoken woman who clearly cared about her patients.  When she looked at my mammogram for the first time, in my presence, she evinced complete horror and shock at the “obvious” result, that being an anomaly of some sort in the form of a black blotch.  The Dr. immediately recommended a follow up mammogram within a couple of weeks.  Non plussed  I agreed to return for another mammo.  Events proceeded and I did return within a month’s time and had another ultrasound.  When the Dr. read the results she was even MORE horrified than before, if that was even possible.  I began to wonder what had happened to a Doctor’s showing no emotion when giving out bad news.  The Dr. exclaimed with growing consternation, “It has GROWN!”  All I could think of at the moment with absolute certainty was the phrase, “Oh no it has not.”  But I did not say that aloud, I just had a deep settled peace.  The Dr. wanted to speak with my husband as soon as possible and to refer us both to a surgeon for exploratory surgery and removal of the “lump”.  Shortly thereafter both Bill and I found ourselves sitting in the surgeon’s office where he held, literally it seemed, my future in his hands as he read aloud the findings and his opinion about the upcoming surgery.  As my dear concerned husband sat nearby turning a shade or two whiter the Dr. continued to speak of follow up radiation and chemo since he had thought the “cancer” would might require this.  I felt I was listening to a poorly written script for a particularly amateurish t.v. drama.

As my shell shocked husband and I exited the Dr.’s office there was a determination growing within me and so when Bill asked what I wanted to do, I replied that I wanted to go to the US for a second opinion.  Bill agreed immediately which comforted me.  Somehow I knew instinctively, most probably a nudge from the Lord,  it was the right course of action and I deeply appreciated Bill’s openness to the idea.  We were scheduled, tentatively, to leave for the US within two or three months but Bill arranged for tickets right away for me to fly first to the US, to see my parents in Virginia and from there we woudl drive down to TN where my sister Karen and husband pastored, in the Knoxville area.  My brother in law and sister were friends with one of the chief breast cancer surgeons at a leading hospital.  The Dr., a Christian, had agreed to see me almost immediately upon my arrival.  I was amazed and grateful at the orchestration put into motion by my sister and brother in law to guarantee a swift answer to the question of breast cancer.  It touched my heart deeply that my mother, two sisters and niece all accompanied me to the hospital within minutes of my arrival.  Not long after the ultrasound was conducted the Dr. welcomed me to his office where he did a quick physical exam himself and then gave me the results of the scan.  The Dr. was both knowledgeable and yet had a sense of humor.  He declared that he and several other medical personnel had studied the ultrasound I had brought with me from the Philippines and he said with a chuckle, “We were laughing at it.”  He went on to add that the “tumor” was actually a large blotch on the ultrasound and the “growth” could be attributed to some sort of a bizarre coincidence.  I was further comforted by the Dr.’s assertion that there was absolutely no tumor, there were the usual small inconsistencies in the breast that would begin to appear in a woman of 50 years of age.   I exited that office to give the news to the caring female members of my family, all the ones able to be there with me.  We had met up in the vestibule and so gathered  in a circle to rejoice at God’s answer.  Then I began to weep. The tears were due to relief that it was all over with, not that I was going to be all right, I already had that particular peace from the Lord.  It was a  relief that I could go on with life without concerning myself with something physical which might conceivably interrupt our well-ordered lives, I was spared going through the disappoints a physical problem necessarily entails.    It was brought home to me a little later in that day just what effect an illness could have on my dear husband Bill.   Initially I sent him an e-mail letting him know I was ok, and at the same time (!) we had gotten word my sweet daughter Teri had given birth to her second little girl Lucy Eirena and so I let Bill know this also.  We did not know until much later that Teri’s life had actually been in danger at that time due to a hemorrhage, God blessed us all hugely.  When I talked with Bill the next day by skype he told me getting those two precious chunks of good news had caused HIM to burst into tears of gratitude that his wife was NOT suffering from cancer and that he had a new healthy grandbaby, a darling little girl.

From and through all these we have seen God’s faithfulness, both from afar and microscopically.  From afar we see His faithfulness through our very human doubts.  And then there are the times we see His grace and faithfulness, the very reason for the trust we cherish  in our hearts, this because of God’s faithfulness to His own honor .  He could never be faithless to His Word.  And by His Word He has promised to care for His children.  He has promised to be interested in their problems, their fears, their triumphs and their failings.  He is not only interested but He works for us.  He works all according to His will and glory and for good.  We are privileged to be passing vessels of His mercy to others.

bill and darla ebert

Darla and her husband, Bill Ebert, are missionaries in the Philippines, where Bill serves as Dean of Students at the darla's five grandchildren Center for Biblical Studies Institute and Seminary. Bill is a second generation missionary who has followed in his parents footsteps, and Bill and Darla now have a third generation of family serving with them, their daughter, Teri and her husband. Steve. Darla grew up in Salem, VA, and then attended Tennessee Temple University in Chattanooga, TN. After graduation, Darla and Bill were married in 1977 and then moved to Quezon City, Philippines in 1980. They now serve in Antipolo, Philippines. Darla is actively involved in the school  teaching women, leading ladies Bible studies, and serving in the church. Bill and Darla have three adult children and five grandchildren.