By Diera Mendez
“I’m sorry Mrs. Mendez, but there is no heartbeat. How far along did you say you should be?”
Instantly, I felt a pit in my stomach.
The dreaded words no woman wants to hear during her very first ultrasound, or any obstetrics visit for that matter.
My husband and I were devastated. As we left the medical center, it was 24 hours before we knew officially that our dear baby passed on.
About 3 hours after that, while taking our two-year-old daughter to the movies we met even more disheartening news as our debit cards were declined.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Mendez, but there is a freeze on your bank accounts due to fraudulent activity. You won’t be able to access any of your money until further notice.”
“Excuse me!?!”
At that point, every dime we earned and saved was reclaimed and withheld because of a fraudulent act in a cosigned account that we were unaware of and had nothing to do with.
Within 48 hours… No baby. No money. And I was scheduled for outpatient surgery the following day of which we didn’t have enough funds anywhere to make the co-payment.
The next 7 months would be a roller coaster ride of emotions, countless calls with the bank and legal advisers, more doctor appointments, and rebuilding our finances from scratch.
The heated discussions over finances would reveal my heart about where my trust for provision truly laid.
The fear and isolation I felt when I found out I was pregnant again less than four months after miscarrying, showed me just how hurt and raw the pain still was.
Two thousand sixteen was a rough year for me. It challenged me emotionally. Stretched me spiritually. And yet I’m more mature in my faith today than I ever thought I would be a year ago.
And the number one lesson I learned is that faith is a personal journey you must walk alone.
Isaiah 42:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
These two sentences offer three promises that brought me such comfort.
First, He is with me. Not just some of the time, but all the time.
Second, He promises to strengthen and help me no matter what I go through.
And third, He holds me with His steady and faithful hand.
I learned these lessons repeatedly:
Each time a bill came and miraculously we were able to make payment.
When I saw my baby’s heartbeat throb on that small fuzzy, grey screen display at 10 weeks pregnant.
When it was finally time to go to court with the bank, and finally felt our story was heard and addressed.
Hebrews 11 reminds us that faith is not something you need or even put into practice when you can relatively predict the outcome of a your circumstance. Rather, faith is for the times when God is compelling you to keep moving forward on a night hike during a new moon when you can’t see your hand in front your face and you aren’t carrying a flashlight.
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:5)”
Today as I write this post, the bank eventually returned our money and I’m 39 weeks pregnant, ready to deliver a precious baby girl in just a couple days.
I’m amazed over and over again, the lessons of faith God has brought me through. I don’t know how. But he did. I don’t know why. But I’m grateful.
The greatest lesson I can share about faith is that when God is your personal tutor, no one can deny, diminish, or demean what you’ve learned and experienced for yourself.
Dierra writes, “I’m a Starbucks addicted wife, mama, minister, that loves to help bring out the best in women around her through encouragement, prayer, and counsel.” She is the mama of two precious little girls, Olivia, age 3, and healthy newborn, baby Sage Grace, born on May 3.
After attaining her master’s degree in communication and professional training in event management, she worked for 10 years in the education, hospitality, and nonprofit fields helping execute events of all shapes and sizes, from small 17-person VIP board meetings to interactive workshops for 200+ high school students to Tier 1 city conventions for 17,000 people. She now serves full-time on the staff of Barbara’s Place, America’s Keswicks’ addiction recovery home for women.
This picture of Diera Shaw-Mendez was taken by her three year old daughter, Olivia.
Visit Diera on her website at Diconsha Designs or join her Facebook group to learn more about Diera’s work and ministry.
